Saturday January 25th, 2-5pm

in West Asheville (address in image and DM)

-=General Info=-

You may have joined or heard tell of CJ’s Rolling on Rollerskates b-day extravaganza, Taija’s Boba & Butts, or the Blanketfortress pillowfight birthday slumber party from back in the day… well this year, for the Doodle’s second birthday, we’ll have a themed party to rival them all!

No gifts, just come play  – bring a tool to exhibit, a vacuum to race with, etc 

These are a few of Doodle’s Favorite things:
Vacuum Cleaners
Tools
Drums
Pickles and Olives

So we’re gonna have a blast for all ages! Get ready to throw down! 

The more all in you go, the more all out the party 

-~=The party will feature=~-

-~=Activities=~-

The Tool Exploratorium
Boom Station
Vacuum Drag Racing
Drum Circle
Pillow Bonk Circle

-~=Food & Drink=~-

Pouch Bar
Pickle & olive station
Berry Bowl
Fancy “Coconut” Refreshments

About the Activities

(and what to bring to be prepared!)

The Tool Exploratorium: discover and explore with eyes and hands all manner of tools, from hammers, to measuring tapes, chainsaws to… what will you bring to show off and explore?
The Tool Exploratorium will be set out for all to check out during the event – parent supervision required for some tools. All tools must be put back after exploration.

Boom Station: a wide range of boomers (ie. sticks, logs, hammers, clonkers, etc) and a nice solid pile of firewood to boom against. Fun for all ages! Ideal for those 3 and under, with supervision. Bring your favorite boomer if you like.

Vacuum Drag Racing: Bring your fastest vaccum and get ready to rumble!!!
It’s actually not drag racing, we’ll have a race track complete with curves all setup.
The race track is probably also good for RC cars – or at least the space is large enough for them if older kids want something like that to play with.

There will be multiple divisions:
– Adult Division
– Children’s Division
– All Ages Relay Race

Food Stations

For Refreshments:
Please help populate the potluck style snack zone with anything that from below that suits your fancy.

Pouch Bar: there’s a wide range of pouches out there.
Chicken soup, smoothie, fruit, salmon, chimichuri – the list goes on!!!
Make your own, or get your favite flavors!

Pickle & Olive Station:
Doodle does dearly love a pickle – and their olives!
Bring your favorites varieties to share! 

If your tastes are so inclined, more conventional accoutrements that go with these like tapas or charcuterie will do as well, though we expect the doodle and their friends to be focusing on the pickles and olives.

Berry Bowl:
Straw Berries, Blueberries, Razzamatazberries – frankly any berries you can acquire in this season will do…

Fancy “Coconut” Refreshments
Doodle thinks all fancy drinks are coconut, even if they aren’t coconut, so any fancy drinks will do! Ideally low sugar/no added sugars please! 

Cerulean’s first bits of milk were latches in the midst of a low-grade emergency as we explored options to ensure their placenta was fully birthed. Ultimately, we went to the hospital and it was the late afternoon of the same day following Cerulean’s 5:01 am birth that we finally arrived home.

We set ourselves to making sense of Cerulean’s flow of needs, mostly around eating, pooping and sleeping. Taija’s nipples, as those of many a new mother, were sensitive. Our friend April lent her advice and experience, connected us with a remote lactation consultant for some expert advice, and contributed their remedies. Despite regularly checking the latch per some of the nicer breastfeeding videos it was still painful enough to be unsustainable. We are very much interested in breastfeeding, for its various benefits, and would like for it to be a primary feeding method, or at least not be disrupted by alternative methods (like bottle feeding, which we expect CJ will do regularly in the future).

Our midwife and doula shared their tips and insights on their follow-up visits and a lactation consultant’s contact. Our midwife did not identify any visible front tongue tie, but rear tongue ties are much harder to diagnose. Because we were still having trouble getting a good latch and having pain-free breastfeeding, we scheduled an appointment with the lactation consultant.

The lactation consultant was able to come when Cerulean was just five days old and her experienced eye saw that Taija’s nipples were scabbing in some places. Also, Cerulean had a chompy vertical bite rather than the forward backward sucking jaw motion that usually indicates a good latch. Considering this, and rather than try to continue latching on raw nipples, she set us up with an intermediary syringe feeding system using a 5ml curved tip syringe, and our trusty hand breastmilk pump alongside a nipple care routine until Taija’s nipples could properly recover. She also passed along some pediatric chiropractor and OT referrals, and the information that pediatric dentists are best visited with a doctor’s referral (especially to be covered by insurance in most cases).

Initially, CJ had been syringe feeding with 1ml syringes from a side-lying position which was quite awkward, but she taught us a method that simulates the deep latch of breastfeeding. You put your pinky in upside down and into the back of the soft palate, to better simulate a natural latch. Still not the most ergonomic, but clearly more comfortable all around and more effective. Still, syringe feeding directly takes a fair bit of attention, as one must match the pressing of the syringe with Cerulean’s sucking motion.

She later helped us set up a tube feeding system from a bottle with a 5ml feeding tube that took much less attention and was more effective. It still takes your finger, as well as requires making sure the tube is properly inserted and is picking up milk from the bottle. You still stimulate the rooting reflex to get a good latch on your finger, simulate ~30 seconds of sucking before the milk ‘lets down’ and then insert the tube, and listen astutely for signs of being done. She also set us up with a more effective electric pump, which greatly eased Taija’s pumping experience as well. By this time Cerulean was already a week old!

Since then Taija’s been pumping away and Cerulean eating away and digesting! It’s a little unclear all the causes and effects, it could be a bit of overzealous feeding, or the ease of sucking through the tube (of course, the height of the bottle makes a difference), or perhaps Cerulean just takes after CJ and has quite an appetite (!) but Cerulean’s been eating ~800ml a day. While definite numbers on how much babies should be drinking aren’t exactly an exact science (see the difficulties of measuring breastfed milk intake in this study and even high-quality information isn’t often well cited) but it seems pretty clear that an average of 800ml is more than ample, and Cerulean’s first visit to the doctor didn’t pique any concerns.

Cerulean was born 7lb 3oz and was down to 7lb on the follow-up visit with the midwife the next day (it’s normal for newborns to lose weight in the first few days as they transition to digesting themselves). By the doctor’s visit on the 25 they were up to 7lb 11oz. (7.7lb). However, given the challenges with early latching, we secured a referral to a pediatric dentist to have Cerulean evaluated for a rear tongue tie.

We had also early on decided to explore the Occupational Therapist (OT) route to look into latch improvements. CJ has long been dipping their toes into the studies of Body Mind Centering (BMC) and earlier in the pregnancy Taija and CJ both joined a wonderful BMC workshop on experiential developmental biology with an Asheville-based friend Janice Geller. BMC was developed by an OT named Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen, so it felt appropriate to go with someone close to that vein. We have our appointment Friday, Jan 27th.

Personally, I’m excited to delve deeper into the explorations of developmental anatomy (stay tuned for our explorations with the Amazing Babies book/program!) and the opportunity to geek out on Cerulean’s development with the OT. I find that my own challenges are often my biggest pathways into deeper personal understanding and growth, so I anticipate not being able to take Cerulean’s latch for granted will also lead us on a rich journey together. – CJ

Cerulean’s Name!

Here’s Cerulean’s full name, and a little about it!
💙 Cerulean Sklar 随 (Suí) Ventrella 💙

Cerulean is a name Taija has always loved the name. It’s a shade of blue that was one of the earlier pigments to be invented. Cerulean (the pigment) is in a lot of famous paintings, including many of Claude Monet’s paintings, as well as many others. 💙

Sklar is Taija’s paternal grandmother’s maiden name. It’s a Jewish Belorussian name and it means glassmaker.

随 (Suí) is the surname portion of CJ O’Reilly’s Chinese name 随杰. 随 (pronounced ‘sway’ with a rising tone) means “to follow” or “to listen”, which has different connotations in the US and ‘western’ society, but in the context of Daoism means receptive and able to follow the 道 (dao or ‘Tao’) in a sagely capacity. CJ lived in China for ~5 years and speaks Chinese and would like to pass on this passion and adopted philosophy of Daoism in this surname.

Ventrella, of course, is Taija’s last name. It’s Italian, and it comes from my mother’s dad’s side. My parents decided to give me my mom’s last name because they thought that “Taija Ventrella” sounded a lot prettier than “Taija Weinstein,” but I also like to say it’s because they’re feminists who live life on their own terms — not simply according to tradition — which is always something I’ve appreciated about both sides of my family.
🍓🍓🍓

Cerulean’s health!

Cerulean and Taija healthy! All ultrasounds and tests have been good with no significantly unusual things to note, other than perhaps an active lil babe that likes to move! No surprise there 🙂

Is Cerulean a boy or a Girl?

Well, we have chosen not to share Cerulean’s sex now, or after birth. Rather, we’re leaving space for their gender inquiry!

Our reasons include, but are not limited to some of the following:
🍓 We don’t think our baby’s genitals are vital information for anyone but their doctors.
🍓 We believe that gender is not determined by sex, and can only be decided by the person to whom it belongs. We want to give Cerulean the opportunity to tell us who they are. Have a peek at this little Genderbread Person explainer!

🍓 We think gender stereotypes are pervasive and limiting. Even in the most well meaning communities, they start at infancy. (“She’s such a little drama queen. You know how girls are, so emotional! Just wait until she’s a teenager!” “Aw, he’s such a tough little guy!” “For the boys we have truck print, and for the girls we have butterflies!” “Aw, he’s a real ladies man! Look at him flirting with that nurse!” “Watch out mama, she’s going to be real trouble with the boys when she grows up!”) We know we can’t avoid these things completely, but we’d like to try to minimize them.
🍓 Cerulean’s gender does not significantly impact the way we want to parent them. We believe all children deserve access to the full spectrum of toys, clothes, self expression, emotional range, and opportunities in the world. In that way, until it becomes relevant to them, their gender is not relevant to us. (Most kids raised in this way have some sense of their gender around age 3, and we will always honor and encourage their exploration of their own gender).
🍓🍓🍓

Got questions about gender neutral parenting?

🍓Are you trying to raise a non-binary child?
No. We are trying to raise a healthy happy human, of whatever gender they turn out to be.
🍓How are we supposed to refer to them?
We suggest referring to Cerulean as they/them, the same way we all refer to anyone whose gender is unknown to us. (i.e. “I’m so excited to meet the new teacher! I wonder what they will be like.” “I put a poster up for this cat I found for the owner to see. I bet they are missing their pet.”) The bonus benefit to this is that you will get some good practice in using those pronouns, for the non-binary people in your life.
Using the singular they is very normal, and we all do it all the time (as in the examples above). It has been in use since the 14th century by the likes of Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson (and for that matter probably most English speakers, including yourself whether you noticed or not), and while admittedly criticized by prescriptive grammarians since the 18th century, it is nevertheless in the dictionary on both sides of the Atlantic.
🍓What if I strongly disagree with your choice not to gender Cerulean?
That’s ok! We are sure it won’t be the last parenting decision we make that you don’t agree with. If you are a parent, you are probably pretty familiar with the fact that no parenting decision anyone makes is going to be without controversy. As with any parenting choices, we encourage you to make peace with those thoughts, and assure you that in any area where we desire your specific feedback, we will ask.
🍓Do you think parents who gender their babies at birth are wrong?
No. We think there are lots of loving and thoughtful ways to parent.
🍓Will Cerulean only be allowed to have gender neutral things?
No. We want Cerulean to have access to the full spectrum of colors, toys and fun! For friends and family members who are itching to buy baby clothes and toys, we encourage you to go wild, and pick whatever your heart desires (or just stick to the registry).
Image: us cutting open our “gender inquiry” cake. As we revealed the color inside, I yelled, “Surprise! Binary gender is a construct!” No one present was surprised. 🤣