Cerulean’s Name!
Here’s Cerulean’s full name, and a little about it!
💙 Cerulean Sklar 随 (Suí) Ventrella 💙
Cerulean is a name Taija has always loved the name. It’s a shade of blue that was one of the earlier pigments to be invented. Cerulean (the pigment) is in a lot of famous paintings, including many of Claude Monet’s paintings, as well as many others. 💙
Sklar is Taija’s paternal grandmother’s maiden name. It’s a Jewish Belorussian name and it means glassmaker.
随 (Suí) is the surname portion of CJ O’Reilly’s Chinese name 随杰. 随 (pronounced ‘sway’ with a rising tone) means “to follow” or “to listen”, which has different connotations in the US and ‘western’ society, but in the context of Daoism means receptive and able to follow the 道 (dao or ‘Tao’) in a sagely capacity. CJ lived in China for ~5 years and speaks Chinese and would like to pass on this passion and adopted philosophy of Daoism in this surname.
Ventrella, of course, is Taija’s last name. It’s Italian, and it comes from my mother’s dad’s side. My parents decided to give me my mom’s last name because they thought that “Taija Ventrella” sounded a lot prettier than “Taija Weinstein,” but I also like to say it’s because they’re feminists who live life on their own terms — not simply according to tradition — which is always something I’ve appreciated about both sides of my family.
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Cerulean’s health!
Cerulean and Taija healthy! All ultrasounds and tests have been good with no significantly unusual things to note, other than perhaps an active lil babe that likes to move! No surprise there 🙂
Is Cerulean a boy or a Girl?
Well, we have chosen not to share Cerulean’s sex now, or after birth. Rather, we’re leaving space for their gender inquiry!
Our reasons include, but are not limited to some of the following:
🍓 We don’t think our baby’s genitals are vital information for anyone but their doctors.
🍓 We believe that gender is not determined by sex, and can only be decided by the person to whom it belongs. We want to give Cerulean the opportunity to tell us who they are. Have a peek at this little Genderbread Person explainer!
🍓 We think gender stereotypes are pervasive and limiting. Even in the most well meaning communities, they start at infancy. (“She’s such a little drama queen. You know how girls are, so emotional! Just wait until she’s a teenager!” “Aw, he’s such a tough little guy!” “For the boys we have truck print, and for the girls we have butterflies!” “Aw, he’s a real ladies man! Look at him flirting with that nurse!” “Watch out mama, she’s going to be real trouble with the boys when she grows up!”) We know we can’t avoid these things completely, but we’d like to try to minimize them.
🍓 Cerulean’s gender does not significantly impact the way we want to parent them. We believe all children deserve access to the full spectrum of toys, clothes, self expression, emotional range, and opportunities in the world. In that way, until it becomes relevant to them, their gender is not relevant to us. (Most kids raised in this way have some sense of their gender around age 3, and we will always honor and encourage their exploration of their own gender).
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Got questions about gender neutral parenting?
🍓Are you trying to raise a non-binary child?
No. We are trying to raise a healthy happy human, of whatever gender they turn out to be.
🍓How are we supposed to refer to them?
We suggest referring to Cerulean as they/them, the same way we all refer to anyone whose gender is unknown to us. (i.e. “I’m so excited to meet the new teacher! I wonder what they will be like.” “I put a poster up for this cat I found for the owner to see. I bet they are missing their pet.”) The bonus benefit to this is that you will get some good practice in using those pronouns, for the non-binary people in your life.
Using the singular they is very normal, and we all do it all the time (as in the examples above). It has been in use since the 14th century by the likes of Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson (and for that matter probably most English speakers, including yourself whether you noticed or not), and while admittedly criticized by prescriptive grammarians since the 18th century, it is nevertheless in the dictionary on both sides of the Atlantic.
🍓What if I strongly disagree with your choice not to gender Cerulean?
That’s ok! We are sure it won’t be the last parenting decision we make that you don’t agree with. If you are a parent, you are probably pretty familiar with the fact that no parenting decision anyone makes is going to be without controversy. As with any parenting choices, we encourage you to make peace with those thoughts, and assure you that in any area where we desire your specific feedback, we will ask.
🍓Do you think parents who gender their babies at birth are wrong?
No. We think there are lots of loving and thoughtful ways to parent.
🍓Will Cerulean only be allowed to have gender neutral things?
No. We want Cerulean to have access to the full spectrum of colors, toys and fun! For friends and family members who are itching to buy baby clothes and toys, we encourage you to go wild, and pick whatever your heart desires (or just stick to the registry).
Image: us cutting open our “gender inquiry” cake. As we revealed the color inside, I yelled, “Surprise! Binary gender is a construct!” No one present was surprised. 🤣